Still? Really?

So it's been three weeks since I've learned that I've miscarried. It's been two weeks and 6 days since the medically assisted miscarriage. Last week I went in for an extra ultrasound because I was still in excruciating pain and didn't know why. Turns out there was still pregnancy tissue left inside my uterus. So Doc said lets let it sit for a week since I was still passing pieces. Now I'm not in constant pain, but it comes in waves a few times a day. I'm not passing pieces, but I am passing clots.

I went in for another ultrasound yesterday and the results came back today...Still have stuff from the pregnancy in me. I am one of the lucky 5% of women that do not have a successful medically assisted miscarriage....so here's the plan for this week. I'll take the Mesoprostol and see if it works before my scheduled D&C on the 11th. Lame. Really fucking lame. The symptoms were getting better. As it turns out, because the lining was still vascularized it has been growing. really? you're freaking kidding me right? nice.

In my conversation with my doctor I asked if she thought another try of Mesoprostol would work and she said no, she didn't think it would work. We could do it if I want but probably wouldn't make a difference. So I'm doing the Mesoprostol treatment again, and I've got the surgery scheduled for Monday...wow. We did this because she can't do the surgery till monday and she figured we could give it a shot and see if it'll work. So I'll cross my finger, toes, and eyes and hope this works. I do not want to go into surgery.

I'd like to be done with this, ya know. I've let go of everything physically and mentally, just not internally apparently. It hurts that this is still going on and it won't let me forget what has happened. I don't want to keep looking at these bloody reminders that I've just miscarried a baby. Hopefully the Mesoprostol works and I can be done with this. At the very least I know that it'll be done on the 11th. Lame.